someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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