Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
