I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
