maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
