god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Come on in and take your pants off
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
