Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
this boner is exhausting
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize