I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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