What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
