Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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