did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
