im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
