eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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