Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
