There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woke up backwards on a recliner
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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