There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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