this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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