Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I will pee on everything he values.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
