Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
