I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
