That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
