He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
