Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
