why didn't you poke me back
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
