Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
