I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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