I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
