She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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