What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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