How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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