I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
