i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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