is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
