Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
