there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
