and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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