i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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