There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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