Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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