He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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