Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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