They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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