i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
