you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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