Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
