What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
