My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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