i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
