It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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