So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
