where am i from again
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
