Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
