i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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