I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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