what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
