Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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