Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
