I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im six kinds of drunk right now
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
