I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
