Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
