oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
