I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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