Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
