Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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