you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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