Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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