I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
