..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
