Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize