I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
