i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
