Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
