Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
