You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
