it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so let's talk penis.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
