why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
