i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
