I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
