what if every blade of grass was a penis?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I had to cum in my sink.
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