Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
