So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
