pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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