This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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