I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I party with great urgency now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
