I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
